Unhappily Married: What's Best for the Kids
You are concerned about your children and are afraid to choose to end your marital relationship because of them. Rather, you fear the potential consequences of divorce in the long run.
Now you may think and ask: Is it right to remain married for children despite the craving for divorce?
Now you may think and ask: Is it right to remain married for children despite the craving for divorce?
Happy marriage or an agreed divorce
Social Counselor Jeff Paltz answers this question on Parents, saying that "the decision to divorce, especially when it comes to children, is one of the most difficult choices a person faces."
Divorce is not likable or beautiful, as it increases the burden on the life of every person and the circle in which he lives, such as his family, children, friends and perhaps his neighbors as well.
Divorce often brings out the worst in people, and feelings of harm and anger often take precedence over what is truly best for children.
For this reason, according to Paltiz, it is the bravest husbands who do their best to work to solve their problems and challenge themselves to do what is required to repair their marital lives before finally choosing a divorce, such as resorting to marital counseling, reading books and talking to friends and loved ones.
And when marriage is a healthy relationship in which the parents work together for the long-term happiness of all family members, this is surely the best for the children.
"The behaviors you display in your home pave the way for how your children will behave when they are adults," the social counselor says. "They learn what marriage means, how to be a husband or wife, and how to deal effectively or passively with disputes and differences of opinion in any relationship."
He adds: We often hear people say things like "but we don't do this in front of our children" or "our children don't focus on what's going on."
But these people are definitely wrong. These messages between unhappy parents accumulate day after day and year after year, and take root, which increases the likelihood that your children will repeat the same patterns they saw at home.
Divorce is not likable or beautiful, as it increases the burden on the life of every person and the circle in which he lives, such as his family, children, friends and perhaps his neighbors as well.
Divorce often brings out the worst in people, and feelings of harm and anger often take precedence over what is truly best for children.
For this reason, according to Paltiz, it is the bravest husbands who do their best to work to solve their problems and challenge themselves to do what is required to repair their marital lives before finally choosing a divorce, such as resorting to marital counseling, reading books and talking to friends and loved ones.
And when marriage is a healthy relationship in which the parents work together for the long-term happiness of all family members, this is surely the best for the children.
"The behaviors you display in your home pave the way for how your children will behave when they are adults," the social counselor says. "They learn what marriage means, how to be a husband or wife, and how to deal effectively or passively with disputes and differences of opinion in any relationship."
He adds: We often hear people say things like "but we don't do this in front of our children" or "our children don't focus on what's going on."
But these people are definitely wrong. These messages between unhappy parents accumulate day after day and year after year, and take root, which increases the likelihood that your children will repeat the same patterns they saw at home.
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| Unhappy parents don't tend to raise happy kids (pixels) |
The children are fine
Paltiz stresses that when couples decide to divorce and deal with their divorce in a mature and cooperative manner, there are many reasons to believe that children can be well in the long run.
Remember that divorce is not an event that ends in itself, but continues through its consequences for many years. So divorced parents should avoid bad words and blame each other, work together to develop standard parenting strategies, and give their children a life full of attention and reassurance.
And parents of this kind have a very good opportunity to see their children grow up happy and healthy like children who grow up with parents living in peace in a healthy marital relationship.
The bottom line is that unhappy parents do not tend to raise happy children. The unhealthy relationships that take hold in children when marriage is devastating, tend to produce children who have unhealthy relationships upon reaching their arrival.
Remember that divorce is not an event that ends in itself, but continues through its consequences for many years. So divorced parents should avoid bad words and blame each other, work together to develop standard parenting strategies, and give their children a life full of attention and reassurance.
And parents of this kind have a very good opportunity to see their children grow up happy and healthy like children who grow up with parents living in peace in a healthy marital relationship.
The bottom line is that unhappy parents do not tend to raise happy children. The unhealthy relationships that take hold in children when marriage is devastating, tend to produce children who have unhealthy relationships upon reaching their arrival.
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